How mediation takes the fight out of divorce.
In mediation, an experienced professional helps the couple keep things civil even when there is strong disagreement on important issues. Routinely, such disagreements involve the division of marital property, child support, child custody and parenting arrangements, and alimony. The result is a fair agreement and an uncontested divorce. When an agreement is fair, both parties can live up to it.
Mediation costs less, goes faster, works better, and lasts longer. It would be amazing if it didnt. Mediation is about working out a settlement; that is what it is good at. Ordinary divorce is about a non-existent trial. So, ordinary divorce takes 1-3 years. Mediated divorce takes 3-8 months. Moreover, less than 4% of mediated divorces wind up back in litigation, compared with over 40% of traditional divorces.
Being angry does not prevent successful mediation.
Divorce mediators expect you to have strong feelings. Part of our job is to steer the conversation away from blame and tangents and toward objective problem solving. Mediators take no sides. Their sole concern is creating a settlement that takes the children into account and with which the adults can live.
Separate attorneys: The inexpensive way.
Soon after beginning mediation, you hire two attorneys, one each as advisors, not litigators. Not needing to prepare for trial means an enormous reduction in retainers and legal fees. You pay by the hour for the advice you need. Your review attorney will not be neutral. He or she will be entirely on your side. Your spouses review attorney will be entirely on their side. Since each of you has a review attorney, both parties legal rights are protected. No agreement reached in mediation is binding (or even signed) before you review it in final form with your own attorney. Further, you know that your both will consult with your attorney. So, if your legal rights are being disregarded, you will know it as soon as you discuss it with your attorney. Moreover, if you want to suggest a way to settle an area of disagreement, check with your attorney to make sure you arent offering more than you should or so little that it will be rejected out of hand when discussed with your spouses attorney.
A little information can go a long way. When you both know the relevant law and your options, you can reach a fair agreement.